Introducing the Power of Reality Television to the Olympic Games.

From 776 BC to date concept of the Olympic Games has been held,  when not impacted by war, plague, famine or general disinterest. Today the concept of the advertising or state-supported “amateur athlete” still exists, but is removed from the trials  and tribulations of daily life.

The Games mix  ancient acts of war, the javelin, the hammer throw and pole vaulting, with  suggestive to lewd voyeuristic endeavors, women's beach volleyball, rhythmic gymnastics and the men's 400 butterfly.  The  latter  to attract  a television  audience and the former to provide an homage to rituals of the past.

ESPN “modernized” the concept of the Olympics with the X games. The X games represent a boom orthopedic specialists. Death-defying acts by skateboarders and trick riding  bicyclists are rewarded for failure with pharmaceutical grade painkillers.

Bringing the Olympics closer to Main Street requires something “true amateur athletes” can relate to. To that end here are a few Olympic events at which our country could excel.

Parking Games

Costanza a.k.a. Parallel Parking: Judging is based on time, amount of honking by people watching you, and damage inflicted on the cars fore and aft of the spot.

Quieting Children: Based on the hammer throw, it is a simple game. How far can a mother drive keeping two or more children quiet without throwing a hammer at them.

Consumption games

Oh, What Did She Order Again: The object is to take three coworkers Starbucks orders… Without writing them down, make the run with warm delivery and correct change. Spillage or
mis-delivery is disqualification, just like in real life.

Applied  Logistics:  Coordinate and varied “food allergies”, dietary concerns and equal lengths of travel time to achieve luncheon for six friends.

Technology Games

Phone Tag: Based on Rhythmic Gymnastics the object is to leave short, creative and expressive messages that would allow your call to be returned first.

Texting: A way for young women to express themselves in the competitive format, without body image issues.  If the sport fails to capture the imagination of the cable addicted, it could be repackaged, lowing the lead of beach volleyball, as Lingerie Texting.

These are the type of games and competitions that would allow greater participation from all segments of society. In order to care about something, it has to relate to our lives. Team Handball and the pommel horse, although potentially erotic, have nothing to do with the very real life-and-death experiences that we all face on a daily basis. What we do, must be reflected in our recreation. This is the first step in multicultural healing. Working together, we can bring about this important change.

Yikes, please forgive me, I lapsed into 2012 political candidate mode.  After all it is that season, again.