From five dollars a ticket 83 years ago… Part III

Andre has a red flag, Chiang Ching's is blue
They all have hills to fly them on except for Lin Tai Yu
Dressing up in costumes, playing silly games
Hiding out in tree-tops shouting out rude names
  - Peter Gabriel, Games Without Frontiers


One of the first things you learn as a stockbroker, is that all the people willing to give $1 million for just calling and chatting for a couple of minutes… Don't have $1 million anymore.  


Jed Clampett was goodhearted and innocent.  He had tons of money, and was more than willing to help anyone. He was also a television character played by Buddy Ebsen.


When a weekly protagonist would ask for money, the Clampett clan would spring into gear and attempt to solve the problem through hard work. One of the reasons Jed had a lot of money, is because he never spent.


In Texas, a Beverly Hills Hillbillies solution was introduced to the legislature. One of the representatives authored a bill that would require every illegal citizen, upon coming into contact with law enforcement, be delivered to the home of one of the representatives serving the great state.


To quote Flatt and Scruggs... "Black gold, Texas Tea."


The beauty is in the simplicity, as humor is in brevity. Take the problem to the people most responsible and best able to solve it.


This is one program that should be expanded. To rid ourselves of the bitter divisiveness and rhetoric that is dividing our country, we should apply the "Black gold, Texas tea" concept all our problems.


Require advocates of programs to be responsible for solving them. Let them do the heavy lifting. If the Kennedy family wants the minimum wage to be $16 an hour. So be it. All they have to do is fly a bright orange flag with a number 16 and a dollar sign outside of the family compound.


People making less than $16 an hour could produce their W-2s and one of the Kennedys, tears flowing from their eyes, could offer to make up the difference from the family fortune.


Lisa Edelstein, from the TV show House MD, has become an advocate of abortion rights. All she has to do is fly a large bright green flag from her home or mansion with an AR imprinted on it.   People needing abortions would know that someone that plays a caring administrator at a teaching hospital would gladly pay for it.


When U2 goes on tour,  Bono can not only contribute all the gate receipts to international debt relief, he could also auctioned off his spectacles and/or leather jacket.


Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn and Susan Sarandon who are all generally upset about everything, could just leave large buckets of money at the end of their driveways. One of their staff, would be charged with making sure that the buckets were always full.


If the socially minded philanthropists wanted to claim tax deductions, let them. If they needed more money, go on tour or start a new movie. In the case of the Kennedys, fire up the still and sell moonshine in dark alleys.


People that believed in the causes, would patronize the artistic events of their favorite celebrities. The mainstream belief that advocates new solutions from creative, talented and compassionate people be applied to social ills… Can now be tested.


It is a special obligation that our celebrity class put their money where their class is… Show us all how it should be done, redistribute the wealth in the most direct and obvious way… Do good and do it all day long.

From five dollars a ticket 83 years ago… Part II

Hans plays with Lotte, Lotte plays with Jane
Jane plays with Willi, Willi is happy again
Suki plays with Leo, Sacha plays with Britt
Whistling tunes we hid in the dunes by the seaside
Whistling tunes we're kissing baboons in the jungle

    -Peter Gabriel, Games Without Frontiers

Poor Justin Bieber, they put a microphone in front of him and asked a question or two. The answers show an incredible vulnerability on the “Celebrity Credibility Gap.” You can make excuses because he still is 6 to 18 months away from pubic hair… Yet he isn't that much different than listening to Alex Baldwin or  Binko the Dancing Clam.

When Justin was asked about the US healthcare system, he said it was terrible because his bodyguard's wife was going to have difficulties with her pregnancy and the bodyguard was going to have a hard time paying for it.

Justin being fabulous, was perhaps unaware that he didn't hired a Canadian bodyguard… The Canadian bodyguard would be covered under their universal healthcare.

Justin being such a unique performer (so much more unique than Donny Osmond or Leif Garrett) could using his own money, provide for any short fall in funding.  Better yet provide a more generous benefit package to his goons and staff.

When Sarah Jessica Parker and her cleavage were asked about the safety net for the poor,  and she responded that her aunt and uncle lived in poverty and there were no programs to help them.

Because Sarah was obviously busy, she could've asked Justin  Bieber to let her family live in his basement, until they could get Canadian citizenship, and then at least be somewhat  covered... or instead of figuring out which clever pun could be inserted in the next episode of "SiTC"… She could have demanded the studio make them "Accessory Wranglers" For this series she produced.

Sheryl Crow followed Larry David's wife around to promote the idea that a single sheet of toilet paper, per bowel movement, was the only way to heal the planet and stop global warming.

Because of this cornucopia of interesting and often poorly conceived commentary from the celebrity class, there needs to be systems and controls...  or the directors of biotechnology and pharmaceutical development firms need to go on tour with banjos and Frisbee catching dogs to entertain and delight stadiums full of screaming fans. In many cases, their lack of talent would be less obvious than the sophomoric comments of singers and actors.