February 13, 2011 write it down. The GRAMMYs are once again going to be televised. If you go to their website there is a countdown clock, including seconds. Any time you're counting seconds, you know it's something really important.
The Recording Industry Artists of America (RIAA) is one of the few organizations that truly bathes in the tears and urine of Narcissus. With any more hubris the RIAA could become a second United Nations.
In their own words, the RIAA servers the world, and all creatures blessed with hearing by doing important work:
Celebrating music through the GRAMMY Awards for more than 50 years, The Recording Academy continues its rich legacy and ongoing growth as the premier outlet for honoring achievements in the recording arts and supporting the music community. The GRAMMYs are the only peer-presented award to honor artistic achievement, technical proficiency and overall excellence in the recording industry, without regard to album sales or chart position. As we move ahead in an ever-changing music environment, The Recording Academy looks forward to the new opportunities of a growing organization. Over the last decade particularly, The Academy has expanded its goals from the important work of recognizing the best in music through the GRAMMY Awards to establishing itself as the preeminent arts advocacy and outreach organization in the country. The Academy's mission statement is simple, but represents the heart and soul of the organization's efforts: to positively impact the lives of musicians, industry members and our society at large. The Academy can be proud of its accomplishments on behalf of its constituency. Through the efforts of the volunteer leadership and the capable professional staff, the music community, music lovers and inheritors of America's great cultural legacy are reaping the benefit.
Not quite on the same level as “Here I come to save the day, Mighty Mouse is on his way.” Yet at the same time, more lyrically sophisticated than Nelson Riddle's theme to the Batman TV show, which goes, “Batman, Batman, Batman,Batman, Batman, Batman, da-da-da-da-da-da, Batman".
Here are some of the cultural values the GRAMMY has been used to honor over the last 50 years.
Two-time winner Francis Albert Sinatra. More than living a Mad Men lifestyle, Mr. Sinatra was the prototype and more. In addition to having blue eyes and a great voice, Frank understood drinking heavily with the solution to all problems. Then when you're liquored up any time a woman question your authority, hit her. Using either an open hand or a clenched fist almost all of the Chairman of the Board's films feature some dame getting the sense knocked into her.
In 1961 Bob Newhart won for his album the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. This album was singled out because stutterers need love too. Despite being awarded a GRAMMY Mr. Newhart went on to a distinguished career in television and comedy.
The Beatles took home a little gold statue in 1968. One year later they broke up. Some people blame Yoko Ono, others blame John and Paul's egos… Others recognize the kiss of death when they feel it.
1971 Simon and Garfunkel followed suit. This advanced the idea that although being succubus, Yoko Ono in and of herself cannot cause a band to break up.
Stevie Wonder took home three GRAMMYs in four years and went blind.
In 1978 Fleetwood Mac and Rumors took center stage, followed by a breakup. A new generation had its very own Yoko Ono, this time it was known as Stevie Nicks.
Cocaine addiction and the spreading of sexually transmitted diseases was celebrated by the RIAA in 1979 by awarding the album of the year to Robert Stigwood's creation; Saturday Night Fever. Three years later his organization was bankrupt. 30 years later the Jersey Shore came into being, proving evil never dies.
The all-American value of marrying supermodels was triumphed in 1980 when Billy Joel got his for 52nd Street. Their union produced children that look like him and sang like her. They were divorced and poor Christie had to do infomercials with Chuck Norris.
The with the advent of MTV the music industry was torn in two directions. The RIAA awarded Christopher Cross a nice little gold statuette and MTV said he was too ugly for television and his career a one way of Meatloaf without the Rocky Horror Picture show.
If Mark David Chapman had shot Yoko Ono, John would've still won an award.
1984 the Lifetime Achievement Award for Pedophilia was a real tossup either Cardinal Bernard F. Law from Boston or Gary, Indiana's own Thriller.
1985 to 1979 marked the demise of Lionel Richie, Phil Collins and Paul Simon's contributions to American culture. This time the kiss of death was professional.
From standing at the top of the pop charts, to kneeling in public restrooms, George Michael has kept the faith and his award.
And the beat goes on....
When you look at the long record of unmitigated disasters associated with winning a GRAMMY… It is a wonder that anyone would bother to show up.
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